Many men come to us, who have difficulty getting their sexual needs met. In part this is because they don’t know themselves very well. In part it’s because they are not aware of what the people they are interested in really want. Here is a list of some of the things you can do to become a more sexually realised man:

1. Develop a Sense of Humour! Both men and women are attracted to those who can make them laugh. If you can make them laugh, you can bring lightness and happiness into their lives. We all want that.

2. Be okay with being vulnerable. It's inevitable that you will experience some emotional turbulence when interacting with people you’re attracted to. Remember that everybody feels uncomfortable in these spaces at times and that not connecting is also perfectly okay.

2. Accept that things will not always go your way. It's often very helpful to allow things to unfold, rather than trying to make them happen. And when things don't work out, be prepared to think about what went wrong and don't be afraid to ask. People will usually answer honestly, as long as they don't feel threatened.

3. Pay attention to your appearance. This is a big one. People are very affected by how someone looks and dresses, as well as how they smell. Think about how you want to be perceived by those who you are potentially interested in.

4. Commit to a regular body-mind practice. The more you are in your body, the better a lover you will be. Most of us today are stressed and overworked, addicted to our phones. So it is vital that we take time out to nurture our bodies and our nervous systems. We recommend especially yoga, dance, meditation, martial arts, as well as regular exercise (swimming, cycling, sport, etc).

5. Dare to show others what you have to offer. Eroticism at some level is always an exchange. So if you have something to offer, people will be more attracted to you. Our festivals and workshops specialise in giving you opportunities to learn skills, which you then can implement in your erotic life: conscious communication, dance, non-demanding touch, massage, rope skills, slow sex, role play, photography, breath-work, flogging, spanking, playfighting, sexy talk, genital touch or even electric play. Dare to show others what you have to give! You’ll find that you then don’t have to look for people, they will come to you and ask you to play with them.

In love and lust,

Peter Banki, Ph.D